WHY SHOULD I BE THE ONE TO APOLOGIZE!
(How you can do some mending in your relationship)
Seriously, why do I have to always be the one to apologize, it’s not fair!!!
Relationships, friendships are not about being “fair”.
Being close to someone is not about “keeping score” of who did what, when, which time, now it’s their turn.
Relationships of ANY kind are frankly, like a marriage (well, without the sex of course), it’s about compromise, understanding, communication, trust, honesty, love & caring, support & admitting when you are wrong.
Why should I be the one to apologize?
Because relationships do NOT keep score on one another, you’re BOTH wrong.
One of you cause an issue, the other one reacted to the issue & you both blamed each other – Stalemate.
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HOW YOU CAN DO SOME MENDING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Locate the trouble spot.
This is called the ‘diagnosis’ step. Look back & try to assess what has gone wrong. Where did the misunderstanding begin? How did we get into this vicious circle of put downs & blame?
Apologize when you’re wrong.
ALL of us are wrong, plenty of times. It’s very silly to let pride & insecurity keep us from saying so & patching up the relationship. In his book, Norman Vincent Peale writes: “A true apology is more than just acknowledgement of a mistake. It’s recognition that something you have said or done has damaged a relationship, & that you care enough about the relationship to want it repaired & restored.”
Check to see if your emotions are spoiling your relationship.
If a large number of your close relationships go sour, you might do well to ask if you own emotional patterns of relating to others are causing the problem.
Check to see if you’re using ‘old methods’ of relating to others, that no longer work.
Each of us have emotional needs, & along the way each of us have acquired a bagful of ‘tricks’ for getting those needs met. Unfortunately, we can learn some very neurotic ways of meeting those needs, & those neurotic pattern can get us into trouble again & again.
Check to see if you have an excessive need for approval.
The better a person’s self image, the better they are likely to choose, hence the better the relationship, & hence the persons self image is enhanced. The worse a person’s self image, the more likely they are going to choose jerks for friends, hence the relationship is likely to go bad, & their self image is further lowered because of their failure. So, the lesson here is obvious: You cannot depend on others for your sense of self-worth. You self worth MUST come from within you.
Relationships are wonderful, but it’s a two way street of give & take.
Give someone special in your life a hug today, because after all, they put up with you!
“Friends are the most important ingredient in the recipe of life”…..
I hope enjoyed today’s blog & were able to take something away from this subject.. Please leave me your comments below, I would love to hear them. Most importantly, thank you for visiting my post.
See you tomorrow……
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LOL… I used to think this when I was much younger… WHY always me.. but now as you age you “do indeed get wiser” and realize compromise on your part makes life easier.. just do it…LOL thanks Linda words of wisdom once again, love your posts.
Oh so true Rhonda, thank you for your insight. Yes we do much more compromising as we age because it really doesn’t matter who said what. What’s important is we clear the air & once again share. Thank you, you’re so sweet.
great points you make in this post Linda. I really like “check to see if you have excessive needs for approval.” Spot on. Thanks for the value.
Hahaha, that’s funny Nancy & I’ll take it, ‘spot on’ any time! I appreciate your sharing & looking out for me. Thanks for visiting my blog, I really appreciate it.
Great advice again LInda. As you say relationships are not about keeping score. I am like Rhonda and used to think “we me” when I was younger, With age comes wisdom – thankfully ! Thanks again.
Wisdom is the BEST part about aging. But I have to admit I have learned an awful lot by all of my mistakes & will continue from those things I haven’t messed up yet! My wisdom library is still growing. Thank you Sue.
Great advise Linda and common sense on one level, but when we are in a down slide its hard to see the wood for the trees.
Thankyou Linda
Di
BINGO! How right you are, it IS hard to see when the world is crashing down. But these are the best lessons learned, during crisis events. You not only learn the best, but you also find out who you are & what you’re made of. Thank you Di for your insight.
Such great advice. It is all so simple and yet can be difficult when you are in these situations! THank you for laying it all out!
By having a so-called variety of thoughts, there’s always something that will click for someone. With the vast number of preferences in the world & the number of variable situations, most of the time, common sense may be your best option. But, during an argument or crisis, most people don’t have common sense because they just want to be right instead of taking the high road. Thank you Kristin, I love hearing from you.
You are a Godsend of advice Linda! And I LOVE this subject so much! I remember reading that it is better to be happy than right. That allowed me to let go of being right … even when I felt righteously so. It’s just not worth it! Love your work! Keep ’em coming!
Erica, you are so wise, it’s sooo much better to just let go & let it be. No one ever really wins, every fight, arguments, disagreement lowers each others credibility anyway, then to open the floor for resentment & grudges, is such a waste of energy & of the relationship. Great way of thinking about it & I know Lucy THINKS she’s right all the time & not a dog, but sometimes you just have to let her have her fur baby way….