“What Do You Mean I Have Cancer!” | What happens when you hear the word CANCER.

 

 

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE CANCER!”

 

 

 

 

 

The scariest 3 words you will EVER here:  “You have cancer”…

 

 

So many men, woman & children in this world have been told those ugly 3 words, maybe one of them is you.

 

 

 

The other day, I did a video about stress, everyday stress & you can find it on my Facebook wall. 

 

However, being told “you have cancer”, is a whole different kind of stress, than daily stress.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m a nurse, I’ve heard this being told to hundreds of patients. 

I was sitting there with my father & mother when the doctor came in & told my Dad: “you have cancer”.

 

 

 

The shock of hearing those 3 words, is unbelievable.

The patients I was with, just looked at me for answers, supportive answers.  All I could do was hug them & start the next steps of what’s coming, the treatments they’ll have, the specific information about their diagnosis & reassure them they were not alone, giving our numbers to call for support.  They needed answers & I knew they weren’t going to know what to ask or have any questions until later after it sank in.  I was there resource & I had to be ready when they were, to talk.

 

 

My own father looked at me the minute he was told “you have cancer”, for answers, supportive answers.  I was in such disbelief as well as he was.  But all I could was be his ears to hear the rest of the information; the treatments, the schedules, the time left for him, & everything else that’s discussed.

 

 

My own Dad needed me, just as all of those patients did/do.

He needed answers, & again I knew Mom & Dad weren’t going to ask or have any question until later after that word sank in.  I knew I was their resource, I knew they weren’t ready to talk, but eventually they would need information.

 

 

My Dad was a very private man, kept to himself, didn’t express negatives or disappointments & stayed positive for everyone all the time. 

But this 3 word bullet he received, I could tell went right through him in a way nothing had before.

 

 

 

 

 

I share this information because hearing the 3 words, “you have cancer”, does something to you that many don’t understand, until you have heard them yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was in the doctors office for a follow up of some annual tests that were done & thought about cancelling the appointment, because it was always the same thing: wow you’re so fit, in great health, you better slow down with all that energy, blah, blah blah.  The ‘docs’ knew me a colleague from when he/they had to come down to ER where I worked, to see patients or on call.  I knew the drill, even in the offices as a patient.

 

While daydreaming about what else I had to get done by 5pm that day, the errands I had to do on the way home & what I was going to pick up at the store to cook on the grill that night, gosh, my list is getting bigger, I better write this stuff down.

Then in comes the doc & my “to do” list had to wait a moment, to politely go through the blah, blah, blah stuff about my great health report.

 

 

 

As usual my doctor came in, by himself & he sat down to give me my usual ‘in good shape’, keep it up, way to go speech, predictable.  I thought, man I knew I should have just canceled this appointment & saved the co-pay for groceries, this is such a waste of time, it’s already taken too long & I’ve got to go!

 

 

He sat there alone with me & said, “YOU HAVE CANCER”.

 

 

I was still thinking about my busy day, my list getting bigger & quietly complaining that I had to get going, give me my prescription so I can go.  But when I looked back at him, he was just looking at me.  I didn’t catch what he said. 

 

I said jokingly, “what, I’m sorry I was distracted”.

 

 

 

 

He said, “Linda, you have cancer, breast cancer”.

 

 

 

When I heard the words “Linda you have cancer, breast cancer”, I became frozen, went numb & never heard another thing he said.  I saw his mouth moving, he gave me a hug & I felt nothing, I heard nothing.  He spoke for some time, I was told, but I heard nothing.

 

 

I sat there hearing the words, “Linda you have cancer, breast cancer” over & over & over….  I never realized he left the room, I didn’t see or hear a nurse come in later after he left the room, I didn’t know, see, hear or feel anything.  I was completely numb, just sitting there.  I had no idea I was breathing.

 

 

 

I cannot tell you how long I sat there numb.  I don’t remember being helped to the front desk, even getting up & being given appointments for surgery scheduled for in 48 hours, treatment schedules, medications/prescriptions, procedure instructions, times, places, papers, new doctors names & words, Oncologists, surgeons, Cancer Center, instructions……. nothing, it’s all & still is, blank.

 

 

 

I was numb, frozen in time.  I thought of my my patients, so many being told this.  I thought of my Dad being told this.  I thoughts about so many things that didn’t make sense. Who was with me?  No one, just the doctor & me.  Did anyone hear what was said?  No one, just the doctor & me.

 

I kept hearing “Linda, you have cancer, breast cancer”…….

 

 

 

The following morning, I got up & felt exhausted at this horrible dream I’d just had that seemed so real, but whew, I was so happy it was just a dream & tried to shake it off.  I went downstairs to start coffee & start to get ready for work after a shower.

 

I walked past the kitchen table & I saw crinkly papers lying there.  I picked them up & quickly realized that I just didn’t have a dream, it was real  Then his voice, the doctors voice said “Linda you have cancer, breast cancer”.

 

 

I spun around because I thought he was behind me, it sounded so loud & clear, but there wasn’t anyone there.  I looked at the papers again & saw the diagnosis:  Breast Cancer…

 

 

 

I literally dropped to my knees on the floor.  OMG, this is real, this is me, how can this happen, no wait it can’t be true, it was a terrible dream.  I looked at the papers again, diagnosis: Breast Cancer…

 

I immediately felt numb & frozen.

 

 

 

What I didn’t realize, the day before at the doctors office when I received my diagnosis & felt numb & frozen, I literally had no further recollection of anything that happened after that.  Nothing.

 

 

Although I drove to the doctors office to the other side of town, when I left the doctors office with all those papers & instructions, appointments, surgery, treatments, medications/prescriptions… I walked out of the building & walked all the way home.  I never went to my car, I never thought anything except those words: “Linda you have cancer, breast cancer”…  

I don’t remember walking home or how I got there, I remember nothing but those 3 words, you have cancer…

 

But I have to work, I have to get to ER, they’re expecting me, my patients, the traumas coming in.  Wait, no this isn’t.. what’s happening…

Then I heard him again:  “Linda you have cancer, breast cancer”…

 

 

 

I remained numb & frozen in time, for how long, I don’t have a clue & I still don’t to this day.

 

 

From the looks of the house, I didn’t eat, I didn’t do anything but sit in that chair & went to bed with my clothes from yesterday still on.  The papers on the table appeared to have all been wrinkled on one side from holding & clutching them with my hand the whole walk home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So why am I talking about my cancer today & parallel stress with it?

 

First of all, this isn’t about ME or MY CANCER.  This is about everyone who has ever received those horrific 3 words: “you have cancer”.

 

 

 

The stress of receiving a cancer diagnosis & the state of mind that you’re put into is like nothing you’ve ever felt in your life.

From that moment on, little things don’t matter anymore, they’re trivial, foolish & truly don’t matter.

 

 

The stress of receiving a cancer diagnosis, is very different.  It’s a state of survival, body & soul fight, it’s a stress ‘battle’ that once you have your head wrapped around this thing, it’s an internal 24/7 battle of survival.  It’s not a “you have to do this”, it’s a “you’re going to do this”, you have to!

 

 

A cancer diagnosis is a:  “no, no, no, not now, I’m not ready, I can’t, not now, no”…  It cannot happen to me, but it did.

 

 

The stress of cancer is a stress battle of survival.  Not traffic, not deadlines, not work, not gossip, not hurt feelings, not burnt dinner, not a mess on the floor.

 

 

The ‘stress’ you have with cancer, is a battle stress of survival damn it!

 

Why?  Because you have to, YOU have to do it, YOU have to go through it, YOU have to do it yourself, for you & everyone who depends on you.

 

 

 

 

 

Cancer is not stress, it’s a mission, a job that you work at everyday, nonstop, you never quit, you never stop thinking about it, you never give up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those who have been through cancer & lost, my heart goes out to the families & friends who lost someone they loved.  My thoughts & prayers are with you, because you’re right, it isn’t fair.

 

 

 

God Bless all the Cancer Survivors out there who have, like myself, battled & won this thing & lived through those 3 scariest words: “you have cancer”

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You have only one life to live.  Live it to the the fullest extent, everyday”……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See you tomorrow…

 

 

I do hope you have enjoyed this message today & it has inspired you do stand up & make a difference in your own life.  Please feel free to leave me a comment below to share how this has made you think about your own situation.

 

 

BY THE WAY: Are you having challenges or struggling with things in you life, lost your job, out of money, recovery from injuries with bills coming in overwhelming you, grieving, down or depressed?  I know what you’re going through, I’ve been there, it hurts, its terrifying & you have no clue where to turn.

I honestly have been through this myself.  I was in a tragic accident last year & lost my job / income, my health & mobility.  I was devastated, the bills never stopped coming in & I was drowning in debt.  Sound somewhat familiar?

Let me share with you what I did that literally saved my life.  I’ve been able to completely turn my l life around, get back up, become more successful than ever before & financially free.   CLICK HERE   for & pay close attention to this

 

For those of you who have been requesting privacy regarding questions & further issues, you may email me a:  birdiegolf430@gmail.com