ARE YOU ABLE TO FORGIVE & FORGET?
Really?
Everyone makes mistakes, says or does something wrong & hurts someone without thinking.
You’ve done that haven’t you?
Well, at least you know how it feels when someone has done that to you.
Some time in your life, someone has said something pretty hurtful to you that made you step back & say to yourself, “wow”.
If not, you’re lucky because when that happens, the hurt that you feel from that, can change an entire relationship if you don’t handle it properly.
So, what do you do? Wait for an apology?
What if that person did apologize, would you really forgive them? What if they never even acted like anything was wrong, much less apologize?
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The ability to ‘forgive & forget’ tactic is really over-rated.
You may be able to forgive, but that stinger, the hurt or pain & the changed image you have about that person, may not recover.
Now what, how do you handle a situation like this because you really do care about that person?
No one can “tell” you what to do in YOUR situation, but I can give you some very basic guidelines to refer to that may give you something to work on.
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Are you able to forgive & forget.
1. Be Patient. If the hurt is deep, you can’t forgive in just a few moments.
2. Take the initiative. Don’t wait for the other person to apologize.
3. If the forgiven person wants to reenter your life, it’s fair to demand truthfulness. Help them understand, the hurt you’ve felt. Then you should expect a sincere promise that you won’t be hurt that way again.
4. Forgive the incident, not the whole person. It’s almost impossible to forgive someone for being a bad person, remember you accepted them into your life as they were in the first place. Instead, focus on the particular act that hurt you.
5. Don’t expect too much. To forgive, doesn’t mean you must renew a once close relationship. That wound is fresh, give it time to heal.
6. Discard your self-righteousness. A victim is not a saint. You too, will need forgiveness some day.
7. Separate anger from hate. To dissolve your hate, face your emotion & accept it as a natural reaction. Then talk about it with the one who hurt you, IF you can do it without escalating the hatred, or with a trusted third party for an outside opinion.
8. Forgive yourself. This is the hardest of all. It’s critical to be sincere & straightforward. Admit you own fault. Relax your struggle to be perfect. Then be concrete & specific about what is really bothering you. Your action or reaction may have been evil, but you are not.
You have to play it by ear for your particular circumstance, but you do have to deal with it, address it & move on.
Remember, communication requires listening also. The perception you received, may not have been the intent. So do as much listening as you do talking, when facing the other person.
You may never forget about it, but you have to forgive in order to move forward.
“Life is 10% of what happens to you, & 90% of how you react to it”………
I hope enjoyed today’s blog & were able to take something away from this subject.. Please leave me your comments below, I would love to hear them. Most importantly, thank you for visiting my post.
See you tomorrow…………
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Hi Linda,
To learn how to forgive myself has taken me a long time and many dollars and much self talk.
BUT you know what……..
MAN….. its worth every cent, every moment and every painful time I have gone to remind myself.
Thanks Linda
Di
I’m sorry you had to learn it the hard way, but, you have & it will enrich your life to the fullest in all you do. You’re a great person & what you did to enhance that, shows. Thank you Di for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks for sharing Linda. great post.
Rhonda, thank you. I hope you were able to take something away from it.
This is powerful tips. Especially for forgiving one self. There are deep wounds that I have, but I’ve learnt to cover them. The only problem is I never anyone see them. Thank you Linda. Hugs to you 😀
Dave, thank you for sharing. You’ve got to ‘clean out the house’. That stuff in there is festering & will resurface in something else unrelated that could be more hurtful. You’ll be surprised at how much better & lighter you’ll feel after you clean out the old stuff. You can’t move on & “rebuild your house with an old trashy foundation”. Thanks for your thoughts.
Linda, thank you for these tips on forgiving. Forgiving others and yourself are so important.
You’re so right Annette, you cannot move on until you forgive yourself & others I doesn’t mean you have to forget, because you won’t. Just forgive & move on. Thank you Annette for your insight.
Great post LInda… Im not sure how many people are willing to apologise… people find it a weakness, instead of realising how empowering it is..
Helen, if people would realize that an apology shows strength, humility, honesty & maturity. The credibility of the apologizing person for admitting their mistake, speaks volumes. Those who run from apologies are the ones showing weakness. Thank you Helen for your thoughts.
Another valuable post. So many go through situations like you have described and your action steps are priceless. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks Kristin, it’s so hard once the hurt has occurred, to pick up & start again without some sort of distrust there.