HELLO everyone, I’m glad to see you here today. My name is Linda Frame. I’m here everyday with: Daily Adversity Support….
Authors Note: For my background information, please visit my Profiles on Facebook and Linkedin.
I’m here to talk about the challenges, the hurdles, those ‘nothing goes right’ days and the set backs that jump in your way unexpectedly. You may even feel like that ‘black cloud’ hanging over your head seems to have your name on it. If a particular topic of the day here doesn’t suit you or doesn’t speak to you, that’s fine, maybe tomorrows topic will seem more interesting to your issues in your life. Why, because I have been through a lifetime of rock bottom challenges, but I want to share how you can crawl back up successfully.
LOSS, IT HURTS
If you have been going through the loss of someone very special to you, I am truly so sorry for that loss. My thoughts and prayers are surrounding you rightnow. Even those of us that have gone through a loss, we don’t ‘really’ know what YOU are going through within your own feelings.
It’s true, no one else has a clue of how someone else feels. We can imagine because after all, we went through it ourselves and it was terrible, it hurts, it’s heart breaking, it’s awful. But, knowing any individuals deep feelings within themselves is not a skill we were blessed with. Think back on your own experience.
We tell people: “I know what you’re going through”, “I understand how you feel”, “I know the pain you feel”, “You’ll get through this”, “You’re strong, you’ll get through this”, “It’s for the best”. In fact, I could write a whole blog on what not to say, but that would be quite beside the point HERE.
Think first before you use one of those phrases, because they are truly empty words and the person you are saying them to is not at the level of understanding anything yet. They aren’t comprehending any of this, they’re still numb and in the “why did this happen” phase. So just keep that in mind.
A ‘MAP’ THROUGH GRIEF
On the ‘Clinical’ side of this, there are steps that we counsel family and friends on, however, I am not here to counsel or be ‘Clinical’. I am here to ‘talk’ to you and share little nuggets of direction during your grief. When you are ready you can use them, if you’re not, you can always come back to them.
- You must take time and Pace Yourself.
- Push through the pain. It hard yes, but don’t let it consume you.
- You need to know there’s going to be a 2nd wave if Grief. Your not regressing, it’s just part of the recovery.
- Trust the Recovery Process. Don’t try to skip any stage or deny them, because you breath without awareness, so does the grief process.
- Welcome Help from those you love and Trust. Don’t push away people, these are the people you can be yourself with, they understand.
- Take care of your Physical Health. This you must do, not eating or sleeping isn’t going to give you the strength to get through this loss.
- DO NOT Live in Regret! Living in the past of ‘would have, should have, why didn’t I’ is gone. Live moving forward and Let it Go.
- This is Not the Time for major Changes. Don’t make major housing, employment, business changes now. Let things settle.
- Don’t let yourself take peoples words as the ‘gospel’. You need to Look Beyond their words and advice for now until your fog clears.
- Let your grief Benefit Others. Everyone who’s trying to console you is also grieving, share together and support each other during this time.
RECOVERING FROM GRIEF AWARENESS
How do you know if you are actually recovering? How do you know you have turned the corner? Should I feel guilty about this?
First of all, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about moving forward, it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten about them and leaving them, they’re still in your heart.
When you start “taking care of yourself” is not only okay, but it feels good.
When you start to ‘get through those special days’, without falling apart.
When doing things for yourself is not so scary.
When you find yourself ‘reaching out to others’ when they’re going through a loss or disappointment.
When your emotional ups and downs start becoming less and less often, and when they do, you’ve found a way to pull yourself through them.
When you realize you forgot to visit the cemetery or special ritual routine you had, and you forgot without grief. It’s okay, your moving on.
BEYOND GRIEF
Grief can be tremendous and powerful, but you have to have the strength within your self to push BEYOND the pain and keep moving forward. You may ‘think’ you need to start over, but NO, you do not need to start over. Move on, move forward and keep going…
Start your life where you are at this moment. Use your strength and your skills that you have. Do what you can, one day at a time……
Again, my thoughts and prayers are with you now……….
See you tomorrow
I would love to hear from you, your thoughts and comments. I would also like to hear of any topic suggestions you would like discussed here that may interest you.
*NOTE: All comments are kept confidential.
