“I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE WIDOWED, WHAT DO I DO NOW!”
You never expected this, what just happened, no this can’t be.
Whether this was an expected passing from an illness, or unexpected, no one is ever prepared for this.
Maybe it’s your husband, wife, partner, child, parent, sibling, friend….
The pain, ache, confusion, fog & lack of direction is still the same hollow feeling.
![grave-15623__180[1]](/HowILearnedtoGetBackUp/images/32253/grave-15623__1801.jpg)
If you are currently are or previously have gone through this incredible loss, I am so very sorry & truly ache for you.
There is no other pain in the world to match or even come close to losing someone you you & care about.
I get it, I’ve been through it, I’ve lived it, I’ve not gotten over it either.
But I have learned how to cope with it & you will too, eventually in you own time.
I cannot change what has happened, no one can.
Our devastating experiences don’t even align closely enough to compare, because we are each different.
What helped for me, may not for you. It can’t be the same, because we are unique individuals.
I can however, share a few general thoughts I have shared with patients families & loved ones at least for you to hang on to & work into your own situation.
A QUICK REFERENCE GUIDE THROUGH YOUR GRIEF
Lean into your own pain.
Pace yourself.
Welcome help from those who love you.
Look beyond people’s words.
Protect your physical health.
Be prepared & ready for a second wave of grief.
Trust the recovery process.
Refuse to live with regrets.
Avoid major changes.
Let your grief benefit others.
Remember, no 2 people grieve the same way, nor do they handle things the same way.
You have to do what’s best for YOU, not just what “worked” for someone else.
You will get through this, as I indicated above, but there is no time stamp, no clock & no hurry.
However, DO NOT be in a hurry to get back to being busy, that’s not recommended for anyone for some time*.
*Refer to my BLOGS homepages for blogs outlining grief steps in great detail at:
www.dailyadversitysupport.com
“I am blessed with an incredible family & wonderful friends”…
See you tomorrow…
I do hope you have enjoyed this message today & it has inspired you do stand up & make a difference in your own life. Please feel free to leave me a comment below to share how this has made you think about your own situation.
BY THE WAY: Are you having challenges or struggling with things in you life, lost your job, out of money, recovery from injuries with bills coming in overwhelming you, grieving, down or depressed? I know what you’re going through, I’ve been there, it hurts, its terrifying & you have no clue where to turn.
I honestly have been through this myself. I was in a tragic accident last year & lost my job / income, my health & mobility. I was devastated, the bills never stopped coming in & I was drowning in debt. Sound somewhat familiar?
Let me share with you what I did that literally saved my life. I’ve been able to completely turn my l life around, get back up, become more successful than ever before & financially free. CLICK HERE for & pay close attention to this
For those of you who have been requesting privacy regarding questions & further issues, you may email me a: birdiegolf430@gmail.com
Great post Linda!! I am so very sorry for your loss…
A few days ago my family heard some saddened news about a very close family member and the little time we have left with him. So this definitely hits home!!
Thank you for sharing…
Thank you Stacey you’re so very sweet. On top of my dear friend, yesterday was the recent anniversary of one of my brothers we lost very suddenly & unexpectedly. My thoughts & prayers are with you Stacey. You never know, & you’ll never be prepared for, a loss of any kind, known log illness or sudden death. Even with a very close relationship with Jesus Christ, it’s still hits hard with a pain that’s unexplainable. How do you prepare, honestly, you aren’t regardless of the circumstances. I do write frequently about this subject & will keep doing so, because everyone has different issues with this matter & feel their own guilt in how they handle they handle it. Please let me know anytime if there is anything I can do for you Stacey, I’ll be glad to help. Thank you for your thoughts, & for taking the time to read my blog.
Yes grief sure is different from any other feeling. And I agree a person needs to take as much time as they can to step back from everything to heal. Some people are different they need to jump back into their life and conducting their life as usual is a comfort to them. I can’t say I share that same philosophy. To each their own.
You’re right Nancy, however we find that those who do jump in to ‘keep busy’ have more difficult issues down the road. I have hear in horror of those who have said to folks “just get busy, get into activities, get…..” OMG, please just say nothing at all if that’s your remedy! Terrible advice for 100 different reasons. Let those who are trained guide them, leave your own personal advice at home in a drawer. These folks are very fragile, vulnerable & lost. Say nothing to advise, just be there if they need a hug or someone to “listen only”. Thanks Nancy, I really appreciate your input.
Yes, good list there and ‘don’t take other words too seriously/personally’ is good advice, people don’t really know what to say and often ‘I’m sorry’ is enough but in the course of conversation something might just float out, best to just let it go…I think we’ve all lost someone though a spouse or worst, a child, is tough to get past…comes in waves as you mentioned and leaning into it is best, you’re right, Linda. Great share, thanks.
XO Zen
Yes Zen, it’s 100% to say nothing at all except “I’m sorry”, than to take the chance of spilling your own baggage or advise that will throw the grieving party into a tale spin. They’re lost, they’re vulnerable & they’re easy targets for all the ‘arm chair counselors out there to guide them incorrectly & harm their recovery. Just I’m sorry is best,, but never advise them of what to do, unless you have been professionally trained. Thanks Zen, I appreciate your insight.
I echo Zen to some extent Linda. We have all lost people we love but a spouse or child must be horrific. I like your advice and yes we do all grieve differently. That saying “dying of a broken heart” can feel like a reality when you feel like your heart is truly breaking. Hugs
Sue, I’ve been with the parents, the spouse during these horrific times during hundreds of situations & it’s unlike no other. For those who may not know, people HAVE & still DO, in fact, ‘die of a broken heart’, true stories. These are more reasons why I say, it’s just best to say nothing more than “I’m sorry”, unless you’re professionally trained. There are too many underlying factors going on of which you have no idea may be there & one wrong word can be a catapult to further damage. That’s why I had to get additional training for what I do to counsel because whew, it’s a tightrope sometimes. As always Sue, I love your feedback & look forward to it. Thank you for yet another insightful thought.
Don’t live with regrets
I have not done this myself with my partner, thank goodness, and Im very very involved with two very close friends going through this right now.
I often find myself , in their space again after three months, not saying anything and feeling that the space has changed a lot since I have been gone. Yet your tip about the regret is common with both of these dear gorgeous friends.
Thanks Linda
Di
Di, I’m so sorry about your very close friends going through this currently. Time does change that space, the feelings, the absence. But every time someone goes through their experience, it just gets ruffled up again like a dusty tablecloth & only time can give that dust the spce it needs to once again settle in place. Di, if I can do anything in the world for you, I hope you know I will. I’m always here.
Your post Linda was an awesome post, and a very brave one. Truly difficult to open up with this topic, as you say the pain always remains you just learn to deal with it.
I think everyone thinks of these things in the back of their mind hoping that they will never lose a partner or a child. No parent should have to loss their child. We grow up learning that parents die first before their children, it’s something we have come to accept to one degree, so when parents burry their children first it really is a crime. The cold truth about marriage or partnership is that one of you has to die first… so the other will be alone. A cold reality of life that once again bears with it cruel consequences. The message is enjoy life while you can, love one another and find forgiveness always. Thank You Linda..Hugs.
Thank you Rhonda, you’re so sweet. “Enjoy life while you can, love one another & find forgiveness always”, I absolutely love that Rhonda & you have hit the bulls eye! Amen. Thank you, I love your comments.