WHO WOULD EVER WANT TO LISTEN TO ME?
How can I find someone to listen to me.
Do you know how to listen?
Of course we all know how to listen, don’t we.
However, did you know that listening to someone, actually means to: ‘make an effort to pay close attention to what’s being said’…
How many of you NOW can say you really “LISTEN”…
Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Most of us ‘think’ we are listening only because the other person is talking & we aren’t. We’re actually preoccupied with something else we’re thinking about. OR the dreaded, you THINK you know what they’re saying.
These are those type of people that wind up more likely than not called upon to listen, because you are terrible listeners. Now, you may offer & give a lots of content about things, but, sorry, you just don’t listen very well.
How do we know you’re terrible listeners? Your comments, verbal or written, have NOTHING to do with what we were talking about. Even worse, sometimes your comments are the OPPOSITE of what we were saying. OUCH!
Personally, I have found that last statement to be sadly true from folks I never thought would do that. They can deny it, but the verbal & written comments they say or leave tells the whole story, that they never heard a word I said.
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So, how in the world can you find someone who will really listen to what you’re saying. Keep reading, I have some thoughts to help.
How to find the right person as your ‘listening ear’
- Someone who has proven, they can keep a confidence.
- Someone who has proven they can respect your boundaries.
- Someone you really trust, & has earned your trust.
- Someone who will give you perspective.
- Someone who is wise & has more experience that you.
- Someone who will pray for you, sincerely.
- Someone who values the commitment in a relationship.
- Someone who will keep you accountable, without unjustly condemning you.
- Someone of the same sex, or a married couple if you prefer, to eliminate awkwardness.
- Someone who will not be negatively affected by your confidences.
I’ve honestly hear many people offer to “listen” to others issues they’re going through, saying “oh, I’m a good listener, you can talk to me”.
However, IF you are going through your OWN issues, drama, past feelings that are STILL unresolved, etc., with all due respect, you are NOT ready to counsel others quite yet.
Now, in time after you have resolved all of your personal baggage & issues, you will be a preferred listener maybe because you went through it. But, not when you’re in the middle of your own crisis & anxiety storm of issues. You’re not ready yet to start counseling others, you still need time yourself.
I expect there may be some challenges on that & that’s fine, but it takes time & practice to be a good listener with an open, objective, unbiased, attentive effort. You have to be able to “hear & understand” what someone is saying.
It’s wonderful to have that “go to” person we can unload on who always seems to know how to listen. If you don’t or know who you’d like to ask to be your sounding board but haven’t had the courage to ask them, go ahead & ask, you may be surprised.
I hope you have that person, but if you don’t, be sure you listen yourself to others, & see how they respond to what you’re saying.
Ask yourself, “did they really hear what I said”. Then listen or read their replies, you’ll know soon enough…
“It’s better to be alone, than to be in bad company of someone who never listens”…..
I hope enjoyed today’s blog & were able to take something away from this subject.. Please leave me your comments below, I would love to hear them. Most importantly, thank you for visiting my post.
See you tomorrow……
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I honestly have been through this myself. I was in a tragic accident last year & lost my job / income, my health & mobility. I was devastated, the bills never stopped coming in & I was drowning in debt. Sound somewhat familiar?
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WOW!!! That was a wake up call and a smack between the eyes … now I need to re-evaluate my listening skills. Thank you for your wise counsel Linda … I bet you’re an AWESOME listener!!!
BOOM! Sometimes some things just come out of no where don’t they. I have to think you have excellent listening skills & patience. I use to do more speaking than listening when I was younger, but have grown to realize how interesting people are & to listen more. Learning to be open minded, patient & listen was a giant win for me, but boy I’ve learned sooo much by just listening to the whole story instead of the “first 3 notes”… Thank you Erica for your insight & thoughts, I love to hear your thoughts & wisdom.
“Someone who will keep you accountable, without unjustly condemning you.” I love this one Linda, If we all had listeners, and we were a listener like this, we would have it made..Everybody would be learning, everyone would be forgiven ..Powerful words. Someone who will give you perspective, We could all do with this person everyday of the year…Thank You Linda, plenty to think about.:)
Rhonda, you’re right, the key is finding that someone who is ABLE to be accountable, who’s mature enough, experience, open & honest enough to do it well. That’s an ambitious order of characteristics to find in someone all in one place. If you unload on the wrong person, your whole outcome can be a source of another ongoing problem. Thank you Rhonda.