HELLO everyone, I’m glad to see you back here today. My name is Linda Frame. I’m here today with your: “Daily Adversity Support” ……
Authors Note: For my background information, please visit my Profiles on Facebook and Linkedin.
As you know, if you’ve followed my blog, I post everyday a few words of encouragement and sometimes I have a story to share with you that will help you see you are not alone. These daily blogs are meant to speak to your heart and soul about things that may be on your mind, issues that you may have been going through, or things you may not have known about but may help someone you know.
If a particular topic of the day here doesn’t suit you, or as I like to say: “speak to you”, that’s fine maybe tomorrows message will. Just remember, I speak only from my heart through whom I have become as a person, from the adversities I have faced throughout my life.
So, WELCOME, here we go with today’s thoughts about adversities, some call challenges, hurdles, road blocks, bumps in the road. What ever fits your case today, lets talk about it.
Have you ever experienced loneliness? I don’t mean “alone”, I mean true loneliness, a feeling so intense that you’ve said to yourself “I’ve never felt so alone?” Maybe it’s from a breakup in a relationship either a love or friend relationship. a divorce, the death of a loved one or friend, or anything else for you that may fit this category of extreme loneliness. Think about that question again for just a moment because I want to be sure this is a subject that really fits and describes you, and you can also see the extreme level of this topic I’m talking about today. So, if it does describe you, and you do see the serious level of loneliness I’m referring to, then when you’re ready, just read on.
I want to talk to you if there has been a real extreme end of something or someone in your life, that has completely come to a close and will never be there with you again. This extreme type of loneliness starts with the never-ending pain inside of yourself that is unbearable to the point you cannot find any relief. You may have cried it all out, or, you may not have cried at all. Then you just sit motionless for what turns out to be hours, not really hearing anything around you, not even thinking about anything in particular, you’re just blank. You don’t talk because you have nothing to say, you don’t even feel temperatures of hot or cold, you are not even aware of anyone around you or in the same room with you. Your body feels heavy even your own arms or legs and it takes an enormous amount of energy to even get up to use the restroom and when you do, you never notice the mirror in there, which others realize is odd. You do not even want the television on because the noise is too much or the dopey commercials and happy shows are too painful to watch or hear. So, you just sit because you’re numb, with no thoughts, no words to say, you just sit there, you don’t care to move, you are just blank. Some have been known to call this the “shock” period. But you just know it for now as being “numb”. Some people with extreme loneliness go for several days without eating only because nothing appeals to them and nothing tastes or smells like anything they recognize and honestly, you don’t even think about it. You have lost any sense of priority or responsibility because you cannot think straight nor do you even realize what day it is. You are just numb……
Obviously everyone handles loneliness in their own way, there is really no right or wrong way to handle loneliness, and to discuss what is healthy or not healthy, is not the issue of this topic about loneliness today. What I want to talk to you about is to help those of you who are going through this, have gone through this or maybe you have a family member or friend going through this event of loneliness, I want you to understand it better so you know what is happening to yourself. You see if you understand loneliness and what some of the symptoms or phases mean, you just may find your way out of it this loneliness world you are in. I am also going to talk to you in first person because you and I know exactly what this experience feels like.
The pain that accompanies extreme loneliness is normal, meaning it is your body and mind reacting to this sudden horrific event. There are other things that occur to us along the way that I am going to tell you about and I’m going to call them ‘phases’ to help you separate the journey of loneliness. But first, I am going to talk about this uncomfortable feeling you are having. Loneliness is pain, but, this pain is unlike anything we go through in a fall or having the flu. Loneliness is pain that effects us both physically and mentally, it shows us we have something important to learn. WHAT!?! Okay, I know you’re probably standing up right now ready to object here. No, I am not saying that the loss of that particular person (or being) occurred just so we could learn a lesson. I am about to explain the various phases that occur when you are going through the loss and the uncomfortable painful experience of loneliness.
During your loneliness, as I’ve described above, there are different ‘phases’ you silently go through and again, everyone goes through this their own way. One of the first phases you go through is “withdrawal”. Now this phase has a few different directions that can be taken. Some of us physically escape or seclude ourselves to just be alone, away from everyone so we don’t have to talk and we can just be without noise. But, the silence is smothering as a constant reminder that your special person is really gone and I mean really gone…. You find that you’re unable to concentrate because it’s too quiet, you’re unable to concentrate because you’re becoming restless, television is now boring, reading is now boring, you want to do something but what do you want to do. You finally move around trying to do something, but your attention span is not lasting even 5 minutes for anything you try.
Finally after being secluded for so long, you begin to enter another direction or busy ourselves to keep our minds occupied, moving on autopilot, doing things we have never done but keeping ourselves active with constant work, working long hours, doing something every night after work, going out late with groups of other people you really never cared for before, but you are just filling in the time with constant activities and work. What are you doing, you’ve gone from seclusion to nonstop activities, what is going on? You are running away from yourself, you are running away from the loneliness, you are running away from having to go home to emptiness and the reality of your life. You have been spending this phase of your withdrawal and keeping so busy, so you don’t have to think or remind yourself of your loneliness and that they are gone.
This busy phase has no time period either and varies depending on the intensity of your particular loneliness. Some keep busy to help them cope, others keep busy just to keep from falling apart if they have to stop or find too much time on their hands. We each have our own reasons, unknown to us at the time, but we eventually all get tired and begin to realize we are just running away from our loneliness. As we start to slow down at this point now, is when we enter the phase of “Aloneness”. Call it alone, by yourself, or anything you choose, but it is called aloneness.
Aloneness is finally developed at this point of just being comfortable with yourself. What this means is you have developed your own inner personality and resources that gives you new self thoughts, interests, activities and a new attitude that actually makes you comfortable to be alone with yourself and comfortable being by yourself.
So how did you get to this point of aloneness, let’s see: you had a long struggle of loneliness pain, withdrawal/seclusion, numbness, restlessness, running away from ourselves, avoiding going home, accepting loneliness and finally aloneness by becoming more comfortable just being alone with yourself.
Earlier I mentioned that the pain of loneliness will effect us physically and mentally and will have something to show us important to learn. By accepting loneliness you also accept that loneliness has healing qualities. During the time period that you were alone by yourself, allowed yourself to develop your inner self, growth, reflection and self examination. All of the emptiness and hollowness you felt deep inside, was replaced by inner strength. You make a huge step forward towards independence when you are comfortable being by yourself and no longer depending on the company of others. But, if you had made a choice immediately after your loss to escape the loneliness pain by instead moving immediately into another relationship, your recovery would never have happened and you would have wound up with a very unhealthy, unsatisfied and unfair relationship for the individual you turned to fill the void of who you loss.
There’s an enormous therapeutic value and need in being by yourself and being lonely for a while and as you can see, time is really the best healer of your loneliness. That period of loneliness pain is a necessary part of the remedy you need to find yourself, to find out who you really are and finding out that you can be comfortable with being alone by yourself. This whole process of loneliness helps you to grow and find the balance between being alone and being with others. You have a new personality, growth and strength you never had before: you are now a survivor…
I am going to leave you with a thought today and although a repeat, I think it fits well with today’s message:
“Be kind, everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about”………
See you tomorrow.
I would love to hear from you, your thoughts and comments. I would also like to hear of any topic suggestions you would like discussed here that may interest you.
*NOTE: All comments are kept confidential.
