Why am I Still Grieving?

 

 

Have you found yourself say:  “I know they’re gone, I know they’re in a better place, I know it’s been a long time now, but Why am I still grieving?”

Losing someone who meant the world to you, the love of your life, best friend & even soul mate, is a pain & emptiness that never seems to leave you.

 

“It’s been a while now, or even so long & I just can’t move.”

 

“I can see others doing things, laughing & it seems like they forgot already, what’s wrong with them?  What’s wrong with me?!!”

 

 

 

Do any of those statements sound familiar or even pertain to you?

 

After the loss of a loved one, the wrenching feeling is something no one can ever understand unless they’ve been through it.

 

 

However, if it’s been a while, or a year, 5 years, 10 years or more & you’re still grieving, then you’re Stuck.

 

 

Being Stuck is very unpleasant, you see the world moving on, your family & friends are growing, everyone else’s life is different now, but you’re still aching & grieving of the loss of your loved one, your world, your life mate.

 

Removing yourself from being Stuck is only something that you can do yourself, because you are the only one who understands & feels the pain  You are the only source alive that can move yourself to transition to feeling & moving forward.

 

First, understand that moving forward does not walk away from your mate, it does not disrespect them or what you had together, it does not cause you to forget them.

 

What moving forward does for you, is to embrace your blessed life for having been with them, feeling honored to have shared a love like you had, being humbled that someone cared enough about you to have dedicated themselves to you.

 

 

What moving forward does is giving you both the transition that you have to have for you to live in the present.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please note:  this may be a bit long, but I am going to list some various thoughts for you to think about…

 

 

 

 

Ways to stop grieving & start living:

First, remember that remaining distraught for a long period of time is not proof that you “really loved”.  Of course you really loved, if you hadn’t you wouldn’t have felt the loss in the first place.

Healing is a testament to your recuperative powers, not a condemnation of your inability to care.

When you become still, the pain may resurface, & that’s fine, let it be there but continue your inner work of healing.  Hurt that arises during prayer, meditation or contemplation is healing in nature.

When praying, change your focus on your prayers.  Instead of asking why, start a new prayer & ask primarily for the strength to endure, the power to heal & the wisdom to learn.

Starting today, keep a journal.  Putting your thoughts & emotions on paper is a good way of letting things out & sort of putting them in order.  Don’t promise yourself you’ll write everyday.  The journal writing is for when you feel the devastation, pain at the moment, the need to “talk” on paper.  So when you feel like it write, but do not let yourself feel guilty for not writing everyday or even every week.

Let yourself heal fully & the process has run it’s course because the convalescence period is very important.  If you don’t allow the hurt  heal completely, you may find emotional ever-sensitivity the result, so let yourself heal.

Start to Affirm yourself, to make the firm loving, healing & positive thoughts come out about yourself & your life.  An affirmation is sending the message of yourself, the “I am” message.  Claim what  you want as though you already have it, “I am healthy, I am happy, I am going to make it, I am alive, I will survive, I am healing, I am healing fully, My heart is mending, I am stronger, I have the courage to grow, I am grateful for so much, I am a better person for have loved, I am always going to feel loved.

Colors can effect your spirit, mood or your strength,.  You feel differently walking into a dimly lit black room than you do walking into a brightly light yellow room.  As much as possible, stay in the “up” spectrum of colors:  yellow, orange, red, & pastels.  Surround yourself with greens: clothing, food, furniture or plants.  Green is soothing & seems to promote healing & growth.  Try to stay away from black & blue, you’ve already been bruised enough already.

Laugh!!  Laughter is one of the most healing activities around.  Whatever makes you laugh, just do it.  Rent a video, buy a comedy tape, read a funny book, talk to people who make you laugh.  Ask your friends to call you with anecdotes, stories or jokes they may have, hear or meet.  And YES, it’s okay to laugh, even laugh about your loss.  There’s a fine line between tragedy & comedy.  Seeing the humor in your loss, your reaction to the loss & even your memories about what was lost, can be healing.  No the loss is no less painful nor are they being disrespected with laughter, you’re not being disloyal to that which you loved by seeing the humor in things. In fact, humor can honor the relationship.  So, laugh.

As you continue to heal, you’ll find: your thinking sharpens, you judgment is sounder & more reliable, your concentration & memory improves, you desire to be around more people & want to do more for others & your feelings become more expansive, optimistic & alive.  You’ll feel stronger, more content & independent & you’ll want to get out, get moving & try new things.

Let go of the loss & move on.  At a certain point, it’s time to leave the loss behind & move on.  Don’t be surprised if you actually miss the process of mourning.  Some people mourn the loss of the mourning process.  Let go of the past, look forward to the future & keep moving ahead.  Let yourself enjoy the excitement of uncertainty. 

Remember, others around you have & may still be morning themselves too.  They may not only be grieving the loss of your loved one they loved so much too, but also they may be mourning you.  They’ve lost you too because you are still mourning you loss of your loved one, you’re not the same person they’ve known & loved, you too are gone to them.  Just keep in mind, those around you that are living, are mourning the loss & change in you.  You need to reach out to them & help them.

Take stock of the good.  The relationship brought you a great deal of good, which is why you miss it so terribly now that it’s no longer there.  Know that much of it is still with you.  Now is the time to elaborate on the good:  they taught you to appreciate good food, interests in new things you never noticed before, new people, new clothing, new silly things that brought you laughter. 

You are a better person for having loved.  You cared, you became involved, you learned to invest in yourself, your interaction permitted loving & caring.  Even though you lost the love of your life, you ARE a better person for having loved & been loved.

You are a richer, deeper, wiser person for having invested in a relationship.  Praise yourself for the courage to relate to others, to have had the ability to feel.  Now it’s time to learn from your loss & what you can do with what you’ve learned, to live your life & help others.

Develop new interests; gardening, swimming, golf, reading, cooking, baking, knitting, tennis, canning, garment weaving, painting, aerobics, whatever you’ve never done before.  The world is your menu to select something that will challenge you.  Try something, anything & exercise your mind & body.

Your happiness is up to you, moving forward is up to you.  I could go on with hundreds of more examples, but the bottom line, it’s all up to you.

You are only given one life & what you do with it is up to you.  But not moving forward is not an option.

Choose moving forward, choose living, choose being happy & love your life.  The individual you loss, would not approve of you being stuck.  All they would want you to do, is to move forward & be blessed with what you had & grow from the person you’ve become.  It’s really okay, just let go…

 

“Sometimes…you have to let go, to allow new things to come into your life”……. 

 

 

 

 

 

I do hope you enjoyed today’s blog & were able to take something away from this subject.. Please leave me your comments below, I would love to hear them.  Most importantly, thank you for visiting my post.

 

 

 

See you tomorrow………  

 

 

 

BY THE WAY: Are you having challenges or struggling with things in you life, lost your job, out of money, recovery from injuries with bills coming in overwhelming you, grieving, down or depressed?  I know what you’re going through, I’ve been there, it hurts, its terrifying & you have no clue where to turn.

I honestly have been through this myself.  I was in a tragic accident last year & lost my job / income, my health & mobility.  I was devastated, the bills never stopped coming in & I was drowning in debt.  Sound somewhat familiar?

Let me share with you what I did that literally saved my life.  I’ve been able to completely turn my l life around, get back up, become more successful than ever before & financially free.   CLICK HERE   for & pay close attention to this

 

For those of you who have been requesting privacy regarding questions & further issues, you may email me a:  birdiegolf430@gmail.com