Do You Know How to Handle Your Adult Children Moving back In?

 

 

PLEASE NOTE:

TODAYS SUBJECT MATTER IS BY ‘SPECIAL REQUEST’…

 

 

 

Oh my, you just got off the phone to hear your child & family want to move in because something has suddenly changed in their life. 

What do you do now?

 

 

These situations can be exciting or a red flag.  Your internal parental instinct is so glad to help & would love having them all here under one roof, it’ll be fun. 

However, your “other half” (or your mate, if applicable), is telling you it’s a terrible idea & it won’t work.

 

 

So, what should you do when your adult children want to move back home?

 

 

 

 

First, let them know you’ll be glad to sit & talk about it, but do not give an immediate answer.  Never make a gut reaction & commitment on the spot.

 

This will give you time to think of the  whole picture & discuss the pros & cons with your other half (or just yourself, if you’re alone). 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are a few thoughts to seriously consider, whether it’s just one child or their family members too.  Also, if you’re alone or have a mate of whatever type, I have included here additional considerations to account for.

 

 

1)    Set up a time for you, your child, their mate, (if applies in your situation) & your mate (if applies in your situation), all sit down together & discuss this.  If they are out of state, city, then have all adults on the phone at the same time. 

 

2)    If your child is single, then it won’t pertain, but if they have a mate, it’s imperative that all adults be present on the phone line or in person, to ensure that everyone is on the same page in this communication. 

 

 

 

Now, here are things to think about:

 

 

 

FIRST, be in total agreement.

Before you take anyone into your home, agree with your mate (if this applies to you) to stand together on all decisions.  If one partner is strongly opposed to the return of the adult child (with or without a family), the situation will never work.

YOU, must establish control.

If your child comes back home, clearly spell out whose home it is.  When your kids show the first sign of bucking for control, both you/both parents (if applicable), must take quick action.

From the very Start, set a time limit.

Don’t let anyone move in for an indefinite time.

You must, assign jobs.

Do not start making their beds, doing their laundry or dishes.  You already raised your family one, you don’t need to do it a second time.

 Always keep your regular schedules & regular mealtimes.

If your new guests don’t like what or when you cook or want to eat at separate times, make it clear they can but their own food, cook it, & clean up afterwards.

They must be told, this is your home & not a Hotel.

Your new guest must know they’re not to expect Hotel services.  Not only should mealtimes be established & cleanup assigned, you are not in charge of the business calls, their dry cleaning or their change of linens.

Financial contributions is a must.

When your child &/or their mate & family were originally staying a week or two, the hospitality can be considered a very kind gift.  However, if signs reveal this visit will be longer, step in to establish a time frame & ask them to share the expenses.  Never let them criticize.  Again, from the start before it happens, let them know that if they don’t like your home, your agreement, your lifestyle, or your friends, they can leave.

Their children are not a dumping ground.

When grandchildren move in, the grandparents tend to use them to express the feeling they wouldn’t dare say to the parents.  These kids are going to tell their parents their own version or even repeat your version of what they heard.  This will bring about immediate ill feelings & trouble.  Never talk about any concerns you have to their children, instead talk to your own child & their mate (if applicable) immediately.  Never let ill feelings or concerns fester, they are bound to come out , so communicate.

Guilt should never be assumed.

There have been plenty of issues where couples have complained when their parents didn’t always want to babysit so they could go out more.  The parents have stated clearly, “we didn’t have these babies, you did.  We love them, but we are not responsible for their care.  When we babysit, it is a gift of love that we may offer to do for that time.  It should never be expected.  For those who have never been in this situation, these may sound harsh & wouldn’t happen to you.  However, I am here to tell you they will & these guidelines are only the very basics.

If you choose not to heed the warning & the guidelines indicated above, your relationship with your child will suffer.  It’s happened countless of times.

Though it may start out harmlessly, the situation will blow up out of nowhere if you don’t have it under control before it starts. 

Don’t take the chance of their last memories of you, be damaged by something that is totally preventable from the start.

“You cannot change, what you refuse to confront from the start”……

 

 

 

 

I hope you enjoyed today’s blog & were able to take something away from this subject.. Please leave me your comments below, I would love to hear them.  Most importantly, thank you for visiting my post.

 

 

 

See you tomorrow………  

 

 

 

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For those of you who have been requesting privacy regarding questions & further issues, you may email me a:  birdiegolf430@gmail.com